Milk tea..

It was an okay day at work..
feeling extra bummed today.. but drank some..
so that helped the good parts of the night..
the bad parts.. where when john was singing..
i sang along.. the songs.. well.. i had to let it out..
i guess sad is the definative word here..
Sang my little heart out..

Stopped by 7-11 on the way home..
and milk tea caught my eye..
milk tea.. the good times..
its amazing how we were bonded by such simple things..
a siao long bao here.. sushi there..
milk tea.. ice cream at island creamery.. cheese cake..
roller coasters.. bowling.. holding hands..

i miss her so much..
thinking of her ever being in someone elses arms..
being watched over by another just kills me..


i need to sleep.. and sleep..
day by day.. i find it harder and harder to be strong..
i must sleep..

I miss her.. its a lonely tuesday afternoon..
i won't deny the last couple of days haven't exactly been a joy ride..
normally my phone would have a message or 2 from baby by now..
a missed call if i was lucky..
and the usual talk about her day..
if she's eaten.. and how class is going..

but the more nostalgic i get the more it weighs heavy..
we definatly had some good times.. wow..
thinking of those days.. i can't help but feel torn..
those smiles and moments we'll never have again..
share again.. ah well.. i'll play some guitar..
that might ease my mood..

i'd hate for this post to come across as me just beig bitter..
i guess i really don't blame her.. and presently i'm not feeling
any particular emotion.. not happy or sad.. confused .. yes..

i think when she said that she feel's she puts in alot into this relationship..
it pushed my buttons.. i feel like i put in alot..
always thinking of the next nice thing to to for her..
making time and taking days off to spend with her..
meeting her even though i might not get enough sleep..
emotionally just being on stand by all the time..
having to plan dates.. and carry conversations when u don't feel like it..
getting insulted when i don't understand stuff..
make the effort to MAKE you a great christmas gift..
and doesn't matter that i didn't get anything..
i encourage and nurture.. but that doesn't count as effort i guess..


to me it doesn't matter.. i'm not upset.. or happy..
as she would say.. "liddat lor"..
i'm still looking for the next nice thing i can do to make her smile..
haha.. i'm mr nice guy.. understanding.. never imposing..
always doing his best.. i guess..
there might not be room for mr Nice guy in todays world..
People don't appreciate you.. at work.. in relationships..

you keep killing yourself.. you want something or are unhappy with something..
but you just don't wanna impose..
so u suck it up.. bite your lip.. and don't say a word
and when u've had enough.. ur sad.. feel tired.. and it's their fault ALL their fault..
its a god damn cycle.. happens everywhere in your life..
why be so mascochistic.. suffer in silence and be the victim time after time..
you CAN speak up.. ask for things you deserve..
deep down u don't say anything so they can look like the bad guys..
simple human psycology.. but there is nothing to gain from that..


nice hot coffee as i ponder..
Another day another curve ball..
there was nothing wrong with this relationship..
the thing is.. now what..?